Quantity

There have been too many times that I stepped into the garden and found myself, hours later, in the very same place. I fully believe I intended to move forward. This leads me to wonder how much what I believe really matters if indeed my body has its own agenda at a higher priority. Until the first day this happened, I fully believed we were all in cooperation. As the days pass my desires matter very little. My beliefs even less.

Twice now you’ve stopped in while I was tangled in the garden. You asked if I needed help and although I heard you, I could not articulate, nor did I know, what I may or may not need. My lack of response seemed to offend. For this I felt sorry for as long as two hours.

Sometimes while I find myself going neither here nor there I try to track my thoughts. I try to follow them from where they begin to where they end. But the funny thing about thoughts is they scare quite easily. It is quite a challenge to effectively track one from start to finish. I often catch the beginning of one’s journey but somewhere between the ups and the downs I find myself blinking and that is all it takes for a thought to escape your view.

Thus far I have said very little although I fully believed it could be compelling.